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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27443365">falling for you</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/LuluTen/pseuds/LuluTen'>LuluTen</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>A3! (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe, Canonical Character Death, M/M, Pining, Play: Sympathy for the Angel (A3!), Reincarnation, Spoilers for Stray Devil Blues play, Unrequited Love</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 02:28:43</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,174</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27443365</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/LuluTen/pseuds/LuluTen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Lucifer, the Morning Star, the strongest, the first, the fallen angel. He cast aside his identity as Raphael long ago, but seated deep inside him was a spark, a spark that still longed for Michael after all this time. Even burning becomes normal after long enough.<br/>__</p><p>TasuTsumu week day 6: Letter/Longing + a touch of unrequited love/selfishness</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Takatoo Tasuku/Tsukioka Tsumugi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>TasuTsumu Week 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>falling for you</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>Cease this interference. How unusual… for an angel’s name to appear as well.</b>
</p><p>Uriel learned long ago that he cannot interfere with divine order. Try as he might, even as an angel, his power only extended to reading the list, to watching fate weave its threads together, to delivering messages and sanctions. He couldn’t interfere, not in a meaningful way. Nothing would change, even if he tried. </p><p>Yes, you <em> can </em>go down into the human world. Yes, her name is on the list. He could levy a sanction against him, but something would draw him back. He would be punished for it one day in some form regardless. No one can escape their fate.</p><p>He wrapped these secrets deeper into his chest, burying them with an artificial coldness. It was easier that way. No one would tease their way into his heart again. Uriel, the loneliest angel, could only watch as his friends left him behind one by one. If an angel, beloved by the Heavens, couldn’t change fate then what chance is there for anyone else? </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <b>You’ve come for me, Raphael? Someone is coming for you too.</b>
</p><p>
  <em> “So, they call this place Angel’s Road?”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> They settled on a bench and watched the ocean waves flutter up and down the shore.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Ghostly memories linger all around him in a dull haze. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> He splashed water at him with a soft flourish. They chased each other around for a while, kicking up jets of water as they ran around the sandy path. Michael stumbled over a slippery patch of rocks and tumbled into his arms, practically vibrating with laughter. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>He wishes he could go back to that moment before everything happened, before he carried him away just like that. He burns. He has been burning, searing pain pressing into him until it's all he could feel anymore. He came here to submerge himself in the memories, to drown away the burning, and yet-</p><p>A voice rang out behind him. “So… you must be Raphael.”</p><p>A chill zipped down his spine as he turned frantically, scanning the darkening horizon for any hint of movement. The tide was rolling in now, slowly covering the pebbles in a glistening foam. Floating above him was an imp of some kind, one that appeared almost unnaturally blue in the fading twilight, with beady black eyes set above a twisting grin. It was almost catlike in a way, with pointed ears perched on a delicate head and a thin tail lashing back and forth, kicking up sand with a languid indifference. It didn't belong here. </p><p> </p><p>“Who are you… are why have you come here?” He took a step back and brought his arms up into a defensive curl. If it wanted to mock him, it should just leave. Nothing it said could make him bleed more than he already was. </p><p>The demon continued with an ugly sneer, voice ringing with an eerily vacancy that burrowed into the deepest crevices of his soul. “Poor little Raphael… the healing angel can’t even heal his own little heart. All alone in the world. Don’t you wish things were different? Don’t you want another chance? Don’t you want to see <em> him </em> again?” </p><p>It shocks him all at once, like a torrent of icy water thrust on his head. It burns in a different way. Michael alive, he thinks, numbly, mechanically, repeating it again and again until it loses all meaning. Michael alive. Michael standing beside him. Michael living and loving with all his heart. Michael… A constellation of feathers continues to burn into his hands, imprinted into his very being. Stars burn out every day without consequence, it's just a part of life, but what can he do without his guiding light? What does an angel do when it’s surrounded by darkness? </p><p> </p><p>“And if I were to accept your proposition? Surely you wouldn’t do this for free.” </p><p>“I’ll give you power, power over time. You can go back as many times as you need. In return, I simply want your soul.”</p><p>“My soul..? What does a demon like you need with something like that?” It smirked and crawled closer towards him.</p><p>“Simple. I need fuel to repeat time. You don’t need to give it to me right away. I’ll even let you pick when I can have it, within reason.” </p><p> </p><p><em>“I’ll always be by your side, Raphael.”</em> <em>He smiled and took his hand as they flew across to the other shore.</em></p><p> </p><p>He knows he shouldn’t do it, that dealing with demons is the surest path to hell, that it could all be a lie, but what else can he do? If this choice, this chance, can bring him back then maybe it’s worth it. Michael accepted his fate, knew it would happen from the moment he went down to the human world, but Raphael couldn't. It hurt too much. Maybe he will let himself be selfish, just once, just this one time. It’s worth any price just to see him smiling again. He would burn a thousand times over if it would save him. </p><p>“I accept your terms.” </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <b>Loving a human will only bring you harm in the end. Of course, it seems that loving an angel is even worse. </b>
</p><p>He never made the choice to fall in love. It seeped in gradually, filling parts of him that he didn't even know were empty, until there was nothing left to fill, until it began to overflow. It was only natural, this desire to stay with someone you care for. It was only natural that he spent the most time with Michael. It was only natural that he would protect him in any way he could. </p><p> </p><p>Cycle 1. Hide the list from him.</p><p>
  <em> He tried to stop him from finding her name on the list, but in the end he discovered it from mumbled whispers and fragmented dreams. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Cycle 3. Prevent her from getting his letters.</p><p>
  <em> He tried to stop those first letters from sending, to keep him from getting more attached, but he would just find some other way to contact her. He would end up on the ground once again. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Cycle 10. Stop the car before it can reach her.</p><p>
  <em> He diverted the car that should strike her only for another to come later that day. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Cycle 44. Accompany him and convince him to stay.</p><p>
  <em> Nothing he said could keep him for long. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Cycle 97. Ask Metatron to keep silent about the human realm.</p><p>
  <em> Michael simply asked someone else and then, after baring his soul to him, Metatron eventually relented too. No one could resist his charm. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Cycle 212. Distract him on the crucial day.</p><p>
  <em> Nothing would stick and missing his chance would only tear him up inside. He wore himself away trying to get to her. It hurt more this way, to see him so pained. He couldn't end it like this. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Cycle 638. Watch the doctor.</p><p>
  <em> Even without her engagement, she still found another lover and suffered the same fate. He followed suit. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Cycle 1435. <strike> Tell him how you feel before it's too late </strike> Give him the best experience possible before it happens.</p><p>
  <em> There was really nothing he could do. The only thing he could do for him was to make his life as good as possible before it ended. He couldn't blame anyone. He couldn't change anything. He loved that about him, how he would love so wholeheartedly, but hated to see him go. If only he could live and love. If only he could live happily, even if it wasn't with him. Above all, he deserved to be happy. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll be with you, always…” <em> and yet he always left him. </em></p><p> </p><p>He was gone, with only feathers left behind, feathers fell like snow across the city streets. Angel snow, perhaps, that would melt away as quickly as it appeared. Michael’s soul could be reborn, no longer tied to the heavens. Perhaps that’s what he meant when he said that. Perhaps they would meet again, though never in the same way, not anymore. It was already too late.</p><p> </p><p>“Demon… I know you’re watching me.” </p><p>The feline imp materialised next to him in a cloud of purple smog. Its eyes, cold as ever, watched him with a grim, crisp satisfaction. </p><p>“I’m ready now. You may have my soul as we bargained.” </p><p> </p><p>No one knows how it’ll feel, that feeling of your soul fracturing from your very existence. It hovered for a moment, opalescent and shimmering, before it suddenly began to fade. He was falling, hurtling faster and faster through the clouds as its pale green glow dimmed and dimmed, until it was nothing more than a blink of light, until there was nothing left. He had felt soulless already, surely this wouldn’t change anything. There was nowhere left to fall.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <b>I can live with that, Raphael, as long as I can stay by her side. He would inexplicably come to his side too, if only he could.</b>
</p><p>Lucifer, the Morning Star, the strongest, the first, the fallen angel. He cast aside his identity as Raphael long ago, but seated deep inside him was a spark, a spark that still longed for Michael after all this time. Even burning becomes normal after long enough. </p><p>There was a time when he still felt rage, an intensely burning anger that licked at his heels and gnashed at old scars. It was an odd cocktail of anger and acceptance mingling in his bones, keeping him on the precipice of action. Those were his most active years, taking souls and lending power to whoever called for him, to whoever needed him, to whoever could distract him for long enough to forget everything else. He was exposed to the ugliness in the world and slowly became another part of it. There’s only so much entertainment that comes from witnessing the same struggles in different forms though. Now he simply waded through life, waiting for an eventual end that may never truly come. </p><p>He watched other demons come and go, forming contracts and stealing souls. It was all just another way to pass time anyway. The human world was worthless. Demons hung above people’s shoulders whispering sinful suggestions in dulcet tones. One day they would get bored, but there’s nothing to be done. There’s no escape. Even sin itself becomes monotonous after a while. He paused, feeling a familiar energy tingle down his spine, but continued unabashed. It didn't matter. He could return on his own time.</p><p> </p><p>“Oi, Beelzebub. Tell Satan I found him a good partner… and I might have found one for myself too.”</p><p>“For yourself, eh? That’s pretty rare nowadays.”</p><p>“He’s a special case... I got you some quiche too while I was out there.”</p><p>“I get it. You don’t want to talk anymore…. Thanks for the meal.”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <b>I’m in your care. I’ll protect you.</b>
</p><p>There was no doubt about it. Somehow, after generations and generations of missed connections and scattered dreams, he had finally found a human with Michael’s soul. This time he would surely protect him, and if not then he would surely take his soul for himself. No matter what he’d keep him close for as long as he could in whatever form he could. He knew it was selfish to trick him, to make him spend time with him like this, but what else could he do? He finally felt alive again in a way that eluded him for so long.</p><p> </p><p>“I can give you power.”</p><p>
  <em> He would give him anything he could to help him survive in this cruel world. What had he ever done to deserve this fate? He deserved the world but never takes more than he needs. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“No one can escape the contract.”</p><p>
  <em> He couldn’t escape it either, but that gave them this chance now. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t want revenge. I just want proof of my innocence…. Will you always be by my side, Lucifer?”</p><p>
  <em> You never change, even with new body or a new life. You’re always so naïve. You were the one that promised originally, but now it’s my turn. One way or another, I’ll always be by your side. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>He would protect him. Mark, Michael, it didn’t matter who he was as long as they were together. All these years of solitude would finally, finally pay off. He would break through any barrier and fight off anyone, friend or foe, for him. His soulless life finally had a purpose again. This time, for sure, he would save him.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s surprisingly easy to get along with you, even if you are a devil.” </p><p>
  <em> It’s surprisingly easy to fall into a routine with him. Everything is different, and yet, everything is the same.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>He smiled and turned away from him once again. “Get an honest job then and stop summoning me here. I don’t want to appear in a filthy place like this.” </p><p>
  <em> No, he wanted just Mark to be able to live in a nicer place. His own comfort was secondary. He just wanted him to be happy. </em>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <b>Don’t go! If you do that… He was always making foolish choices.</b>
</p><p>“What were you thinking? Who would ever try to protect a demon? Now you’re injured and-”</p><p>It was just like him to die again. It was just like him to try to protect him, even if he didn’t need it, even if he was supposed to be the protected one this time. Stupid, foolhardy, beautiful, brilliant, selfless Michael. Of course, after all this time, they would meet again. Of course, once again, they would get so close just for the chance to slip from his fingers, dropping like loose sand from a faraway beach, like memories and desires from lifetimes ago, like faraway goodbyes and whispered promises and broken dreams. Of course, after all this time, he would be left behind. Of course, after all this time, he hasn’t changed. He was always too good, too selfless, too sacrificing, and he couldn't save him. He could only love him hard and let him go. </p><p>He was always so bright, like the guiding sun, and he would have waited as long as it takes to see the sun rise once more. He had waited and waited and finally, at the very last moment, he lost his chance. Hope was a nasty thing indeed.</p><p> </p><p>“My soul is yours.”</p><p>“You fool… Mark.” </p><p>“You made this life worth living. Goodbye, Lucifer...” Mark was still smiling till the very end.</p><p> </p><p>He lost faith long ago in a God that would create a world like theirs, a world where Michael died no matter what, a world that gave him a taste of sweetness before promptly ripping it away, and yet he suddenly began to pray. His pleas resonating like a prayer, pouring years of longing into desperate words. <em> Please, rescue him. If you’re out there, then please, all I ask is for you to save him. It’s too late for me, but please, even if I never see him again, even if it costs my life, please rescue his soul. </em> This was permanent. His soul, unclaimable by him yet marked without Heaven’s blessings, would be lost forever. There was no going back.</p><p>He knelt there, surrounded by starry fragments of his gleaming soul, fracturing into smaller and smaller shards that blew away in the dusty breeze. In his arms, Mark was getting colder and colder, yet he continued to smile. He brought his hand up to his cheek, brushing away phantom tears, then withdrew, getting weaker and weaker until he rested, limp in his arms. </p><p>It was all so achingly familiar. He thought about feathers. He could practically see them glowing with life’s light. Feathers and stars and piercing glimmers of light that fall like ashes, like tears, like comets, rushing faster and faster, blazing through the sky until all that’s left is a soft recollection of lost warmth.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <b>How about writing her a letter? A letter can convey feelings that are hard to say out loud.</b>
</p><p>The world blurred around him once again as an old pain flared up in his chest. Feelings that laid dormant for so long curled up into his lungs, piercing into his heart, into his empty soulless body. He felt soulless on that fateful day all those years ago. Perhaps, even without the deal, he would have ended up like this. Michael clearly hasn’t changed so who’s to say that he would be any different? Perhaps that was their fate, to live different lives and different roles and watch what little connection they have crumble. </p><p>Hidden in his pocket lies a note, worn by time and long nights spent unfolding and refolding it, a note carefully creased into a soft rectangle marked with patchy blue ink that has faded with time. His feelings, it seems, have not faded. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Dear Raphael,  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I know that this is hard on you. I know that things feel out of control and you can't even believe it and why did this happen to you, to us, and why did it happen now and why can't you just wake up and have things go back to normal? I know, and I'm sorry. I never wanted things to turn out like this. I wanted to be with you forever. I felt like every moment we had together was a blissful eternity of its own. I'm so glad that we had so much time together. I'm so grateful that we had the chance to be together once again. I thought that any day in the human realm could have been my last, but I never wanted to leave you alone. I'm so glad that we had as much time together as we did, though I always wish we had more. I want to tell you that you shouldn't cry, that you should move on forward with your head held high, but we both know that it's not that easy. Instead, let's try this. Cry. Cry as much as you need and let yourself process those emotions. It's just not possible to skip to the stage where everything is fine. Know that I'm here, even if I'm not physically there, supporting you along every step of the journey. Talk to someone about it. Don't hold back. Everything you're feeling is valid. I love you, always have and always will.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Yours, Michael </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Perhaps one day they would be reborn, lost souls and all, and be able to be together. Perhaps there was a world out there for two lost souls, untethered from fate or divinity or angels or demons or life. Perhaps he was selfish for even trying to come here, for trying to capture his soul, for trying to keep it close to his heart. Perhaps it was all wishful thinking. At least he was happy in the end.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <b>No harm has befallen me.</b>
</p><p>
  <em> “I never should’ve called you a fool. You’re a wonderful person who protected the one you loved… unlike me.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>It hurt, but it was so beautiful. It was a beautiful pain. It was worth it. </p><p> </p><p>In the end, he never regretted falling for him. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Happy tstm week! I feel like I couldn't do this idea justice, but I really like that idea that Lucifer from sdb is a fallen Raphael and that Mark is a reincarnated Michael. Credit goes to Chiaki's translation of the Stray Devil Blues play (https://chiaki-translation.tumblr.com/post/618493482895605760/stray-devil-blues-eng-translation?is_related_post=1) for most of my understanding of the play's events. Bold lines are half from the Cybird localisation of the Sympathy play (either in the Theatre or within the main story). I really love the pun between falling, as it relates to love, and falling, as in a fallen angel, so it amused me to no end when I was brainstorming about this fic. I swear I'm not posting more tstm next... probably.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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